


Creepers think they're normal too

by Scarimonious



Category: Twilight - Meyer | Movie (2008 2009)
Genre: Crack, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-28
Updated: 2011-09-28
Packaged: 2017-10-24 03:15:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/258327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarimonious/pseuds/Scarimonious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If only Edward was more like Bella.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Creepers think they're normal too

Bella started to regret moving to Forks.  Not only was it dreary and overcast all day, every day, not only was she the awkward new kid that everyone stared at, and not only did she have the biggest, life-altering crush on the most beautiful and unattainable boy in school (and oh god, please let him never find out because she'd just _die_ ), but she was pretty sure her house was haunted too.  And given her awkward new kid status, the last thing she needed was to be branded a complete freak because she thought she heard noises at night.  If she was relegated to being _that girl_ that nobody sat near because hey, she might just tell you about her crazy ghost house, she might as well look to building a cabin in the woods and adopt a thousand cats STAT.

She managed to talk to Charlie about some of the weird creaks and thuds she heard in her room, but he shrugged it off as the house settling. It was old, the wood expands and contracts in the moisture and temperature and make noises.  _Whatever_ , she thought as she shouldered her bag and headed for the car. _I know what I heard._

Because creaky floorboards didn't sound like footsteps.

*

According to the internet research she'd done, Bella was probably stuck with a poltergeist rather than a fully fledged ghost.  The noises were localised to her room, and now things were starting to move.  It wasn't like watching a glass of water slide across the dresser, or blood oozing from the walls, or REDRUM scribbled across her mirror; little things.  Her brush was sometimes on the floor, her clothes in the hamper instead of messily thrown in a vague approximation of it, and every now and then a bump to the bed.  A lot of it could be written off as Bella's clumsiness on sleep deprivation and she just didn't remember doing all this, but she was pretty sure that it wasn’t the case.  After all, why would she tidy up part of her room and mess up the rest?

Anyway, poltergeists were supposed to bug troubled teens and Bella was pretty sure that once she'd settled into her dreary life here in Forks, both she and it would settle down.

*

Any concern she had for the paranormal was quickly forgotten with her burgeoning obsession with Edward Cullen.  He knew she existed, they'd managed to have a conversation.  An actual conversation, with words and everything.  She still wasn't sleeping properly, but at least she had a reason for a racing heart and hugging her pillow now.

*

Things got weird again after the accident.  She'd hit her head, so maybe she was a little muddled, but there were people _telling her_ that she was muddled and what she swore she'd seen hadn't been real.  It brought back her paranoia about something in her room at night.  She would never tell Charlie, but she started to sleep with a baseball bat near the bed, just in case.  What good it would do against a ghost or otherworldly energy that she was subconsciously projecting, she had no idea.  But she did feel better knowing it was there.  Just in case she was wrong.

*

Edward was a vampire.  What the hell.  Again, internet to the rescue to help fill in the gaps from the story Jacob had told and Bella's own two eyes.  Edward Cullen was a _vampire_.  All she needed was some English guy to approach her creepily in school and inform her that she was the Chosen One and had secret ninja skills that would suddenly manifest and she'd stop falling on her butt in the ice and snow.  Throw in the odd murder around town and suddenly the haunted house idea wasn't so stupid and ten times scarier than it had been previously.

*

Bella was totally the Chosen One.  She wasn't destined to slay vampires and still fell on her butt -- this time because of a loose brick in the path -- but she knew her purpose was to love one.  Life was awesome, _eternal life_ was even more so if she could share it with Edward.  She was willing to wait, but only for so long.  Unlike him, she only had a finite amount of time.

She was having this dream about Edward biting her when a jolt to the mattress woke her up.  At first she thought it was a muscle spasm in her sleep, but as consciousness slowly flooded in, she heard the now familiar creaks of feet on the floorboards.  Sunlight filtered in from under the blind, weak but clear.  It was going to be a pleasant day when it wasn't dawn-o'clock.  Bella blinked in the gloom and propped herself up on her elbows. "Edward, is that you?" There was a familiar shape in the shadows, but the giveaway was the sparkling; gentle glitter of diamonds catching the light that filtered through the window. "I can see you...uh, twinkling."

She heard his soft sigh before he moved forward and stood on every creaky board before he stumbled.  His elegant hands waved about as he caught himself on the edge of her bed -- and jostled her in the process -- to keep from falling over.  Bella felt herself smile.  It was nice to know that he was every bit as uncoordinated as she.

"I thought if I was quiet enough, you wouldn't see."

"It's like a disco in here, it's a little difficult to ignore."

"Go back to sleep, Bella, we have a biology test today."

Bella pulled the covers up over her head. "You'd better not be here when Charlie wakes up. The last thing I need is my parental figure going ballistic because my boyfriend snuck into my room." She grinned into her pillow, though.

The next time she woke up, it was because of the alarm.  She stumbled around to shower and get dressed, only to find Edward in her closet when she went to get her clothes.  She shrieked and so did he and there was a lot of flailing limbs.

"MY CLOSET!" she hissed and nearly slammed the door in his face.

"My eye!" he squinted at her as coat hangers poked at his cheek. "Oh god, Bella, _you have no clothes_."

She tried to grab something to pull over herself, but it was caught around his wrist and the next item was tangled in his hair. "You're _in_ my clothes!" Her only consolation was that she wasn't naked.  He made a point of looking away, and if he could blush then maybe he'd be bright red.

"I can't look at you like this.  The way you smell is too much on its own." The muscles along his jaw worked as he clenched and unclenched his teeth.

"At least hand me a sweater and I'll go find some jeans." Bella hid behind the door.  A few moments later -- and some pained noises and metallic clinking of hangers -- Edward's hand stuck out with a sweater dangling from his fingers.  She snatched it away and pulled it over her head.  She pulled on a pair of jeans from the hamper. "Okay, I'm dressed.  You can come out now."

"I can't,"

Bella slid back around the door to see him with his eyes squeezed shut. "I'm dressed, so yeah, you can."

"No, I mean I can't." He tugged uselessly on his entangled arm. "Not without tearing your clothes to shreds, anyway."

Under other circumstances, she would so be okay with that. But this was not it, as her boyfriend -- her amazing vampire boyfriend -- was stuck in her closet and Charlie would probably be there any moment to wake her up to get ready for school.  Instead, she reached in to carefully unwrap her t-shirt from Edward's shoulder.

"Did you spend the sunrise in my closet?"

"You said you needed to sleep and the sun..." he mumbled and trailed off. "Besides, I don't sleep, what else am I supposed to do?"

"But my closet?" She bit her lip to keep from giggling. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

At this, he opened his eyes and fixed on her an intense stare. "Everything.  Until you."

That set off a warm, stomach-backflipping sensation and Bella stood on her toes to kiss his cheek.  Edward tried to jerk back, but he wound up knocking the coat hanger again. "Ow, my eye."

  



End file.
